I don’t believe is there

Everything must come to an end, and I miss him I probably always will, but things are better now. Platón used to believe that tyranny was a way of falling for your pleasures, and that it only manifested when drunk, in love or insane, when all you can do is want more. And I strongly agree, everything could be the way you wanted to be if you aren’t sane enough, being in love is like loosing yourself in order to find someone that adores you and being drunk takes every sense and throws it into the abyss. But maybe is not the same because of the type of desires you worship in each of this undeniable conditions. I suddenly became dependent on things that weren’t there, maybe because I wanted them to be there or maybe it should’ve been nice for them to be. Also I quit doing things I loved because I could do them likewise, I could stop doing them, so what comes first, to need or to want?

There where so much things hanging in the loose cord I felt as unstable myself that I was about to jump and let it all fall with me. I was not magnificent, and I thought about how much I hated who I was with him, but then I remember it was just a lie and I never hated myself, I never hated him, not even when I should’ve.

There where times when I knew I was drunk and in love, and he was standing in front of me, that night he danced and I believed we could. Two sound even worst than one, drunk and in love, nevertheless the worst part was when I felt insane. When he was standing across the street and all I could see was everything except him, his absence inside mi senses, despite being there I needed him to be there. I couldn’t bare to believe he even thought of me the same way he thought about everyone else, because I know he liked me but I never knew in which way, or if I wanted him to feel the same way about me.




By Ana Fuente

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